Increasingly Green Dog

If only I meant green in the environmentally friendly way.

Yesterday, we went to the vet for Jack’s annual shots and well puppy check-up. We decided to bring Leroy with us since he’d been so horribly treated all day. On the way there, I noticed he had some green stuff in his eye. It complimented his collar and tail, but also had that pending-increasingly-expensive-vet-bill look to it. My sweet Jackie boy had to be muzzled per his usual vet behavior, but he was parasite and disease free. As the vet was leaving the room I asked him if it was like, a bad thing, to be a puppy with green stuff in your eye. He said that yes, that was in fact a bad thing. He started to go look at Jack again, afraid he missed something. We said, no, the wily one on the floor over here. He took a quick look and said that Leroy’s eye looked terrible and how could we miss such a thing? We must be the kind of puppy parents who crate and zap their puppy and let him play with paint. Seriously though, he asked about the green tail and did not seem amused by our explanation. What are we supposed to do? Shave his tail?

Oh, and I learned a few truths:
1) Jack=angel outside of vet, demon at vet
2) Leroy=demon outside of vet, angel at vet
3) Sick puppy=expensive
4) Healthy puppy=more than twice as expensive

Side note: Yes, posts 2 days in a row! Yes, another one about my dogs.

The Notorious, Green, Robotic Puppy (No, it’s not Jack)

We painted our dining room on Sunday. Despite our insistence that no help was needed, Leroy insisted and used his natural hair brush to lend a hand. His intrusion might have gone unnoticed, if not for his bright green tail, tushy, and ear. Also, he tried to get the wet paint stick out of our way by relocating it to a nearby rug. Poor, misunderstood Leroy. Jack, as he strives to do in all occasions, remained perfectly clean and also tried to help clean up Mama and Daddy’s feet later.

This is the place I would put pictures if you know, I weren’t too lazy to have taken them and then put them on my computer. All of the button pushing and plugging in…so taxing.

In a related story, yesterday we received the kindest and most politely worded email from our downstairs neighbors regarding a certain someone’s inconveniently scheduled singing sessions. Apparently, Leroy has been terrorizing our poor neighbor and her two babies all day long with crazy barking jags for almost the entire time we’re at work each day. This is of course, making it nearly impossible for her to get the babies to nap at all or for very long. During college, I babysat two little boys for a summer and if someone had been doing something to disrupt or prevent nap time, I would probably be writing this post from jail. I’m just grateful that our neighbors chose the kind email over showing up at our door with wild eyes and guns—which, honestly, I wouldn’t have blamed them for.

Now, Leroy is a dog and dogs bark. He’s part Beagle and that is certainly a breed bred for that. If he wants to bark at the dog park or occasionally while playing or at a masked intruder, I think that’s great. But man, something had to be done about the constant all day barking he’d apparently been enjoying. I did it. I went to Petco last night and bought him this:

That’s right, we are now locking the poor puppy in a crate AND making him get a little buzz (the guy at the store insisted they weren’t shocks, merely static zaps) if he barks. Out of guilt, I also bought him this little diffuser that is supposed to put off calming mama dog pheromone stuff. I also gave him a bone stuffed to its brim with peanut butter and food today.

Update: We received another email from the neighbor this afternoon.

"It's very quiet today, so not sure what you did but Leroy seems content!"

Spontaneous Update, Part 1

1. We bought that condo and moved into it and all. It’s lovely.
2. I had no idea I wanted a second bathroom. In fact, when I found out our realtor had been screening for 2 bathrooms I was kind of mad. I grew up in a 3 bedroom, 1.5 bathroom house that for the first 12ish years of my life had 4 people living in it. But! Kenny is a bathroom hog, and not until I had my own bathroom did I realize all of the juggling I did to make the most of the 5 minutes of free sink/mirror time that was allotted to me each day while we were sharing one. I now have time to do things like moisturize and cut my toenails.
3. We got a dining room table off Craigslist. The previous owner said in her ad that she wanted it to go to a good home. I promptly wrote her my story and told her about the aluminum foil covered mess we’ve been serving people dinner on for years. She let me have it for $50 less than somebody else who responded because she was that horrified by the foil! See the picture below. I don't know why the pictures is so small. It refuses to be larger.
4. I probably shouldn’t write this because it will probably jinx us. Leroy is like a brand new puppy in the new place. He used to pee in his crate every day and is now down to about 1 in 10 days. Our bedroom does unfortunately face East and he is up searching for slippers (and sometimes even shoes that somebody wore for her graduations and wedding!) at first light. Believe it or not, first light is at like 5:00 am. I had no idea the sun came up that early.
5. Jack is his usual cuddly self. Is pleased to have the master bedroom in the back of the home away from noise and things that might otherwise disturb his naps.

Important things.

1. We are buying a HOME. I’m pretty sure anybody who reads this blog (by the way, MS Word is way behind the times as it believes “blog” to not be a word) already knows this, but I can’t just not mention it because it is currently consuming my life. It’s a condo in Uptown which is near the lake, the train, and as the real estate ads always mention—a Borders and one day a Target. I lived near a coming Target for two years. That Target promptly arrived two years after I moved out of the neighborhood. I spend 3 out of every 4 hours awake thinking about what colors I shall paint it. Kenny must hate me because he waited until last night to tell me about this website. In retribution I plan to drag him to no fewer than 9 stores this weekend in search of the perfect bedspread.
2. I’m finally Excedrin broken. I always feared this day would come. I would sometimes cry when I imagined what it would be like. I get a lot of headaches—probably 10 a month. I’ve always treated Excedrin with the restraint and respect it deserved. For my last 5 or so headaches it’s been deadening them halfway and then allowing them to come back in full force. Life as I know it may be over.

Older than I used to be

Of course that's true at any given moment. I did, however, recently have a birthday. It's way old news but I think worth documenting.



It was a pizzzzzzaaaa party! We may have gone a bit overboard. I believe we made eight pizzas.




About an hour or so into the party, some people arrived. I looked at one of the new arrivals for a moment and couldn't figure out why one of them looked so much like my friend Megan who lives in Kansas City.




Turns out, it was Megan. I couldn't understand how she was in Chicago when--afterall--she was supposed to be in Kansas City. It was just like Christmas.

Leroy enjoyed his first party and behaved for the most part. Note: That is not his beer.




My uber allergic friend Lisa found out a few weeks ago that she was, in fact, not allergic to dogs. She came to the party and had her first puppy experience.




Jack was happy to help out with that. She was in awe. Then at some point Melissa and Amy turned into cats.




Eventually even puppies couldn't keep their eyes open and we knew the party had been a success.

Dr. Leroy Brown

So our little picture of obedience went to get schooled every Monday for 6 weeks in a row.



Mmmm tampon box.

He graduated this week to much fanfare. There was puppy cake:

We were able to set it in front of him and tell him to "wait."

And then he ate it in 2 bites. They played a game in class to review everything they learned. Leroy came in 7th place and got a prize!

Okay, maybe there were only seven dogs in the class. In any event, he takes the it all very seriously.

And since he has an education, we decided it was time he got a job.

We certainly don't have time to do the laundry anymore.

How to shop for jeans.

1. Try on several pairs and get upset.
2. Almost convince yourself that you can keep wearing the pair you have.
3. Realize you won't be able to participate in jeans Friday as you current pair violate several items in the dress code (e.g. It is suggested that staff wear clothing that do not expose staff’s crotch or ass).
4. Try on more jeans.
5. Discover that you are too short, too hippy, and generally not proportional.
6. Try on a pair of jeans one size bigger than your normal size.
7. Relish the luxurious spaciousness of bigger jeans.
8. Buy bigger jeans.
9. Wear jeans for one day.
10. Remember that jeans relax after wearing.
11. Fail.
12. Resolve that you will have to either gain weight or wear jeans that are too big for you for the rest of your life because you are sure as hell not going jeans shopping ever again.